In kindergarten, the golden rule was “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” As an adult, it is hard to train your inner voice to follow that rule. Whether it is an angry thought about someone else or a self-loathing thought toward yourself, it is hard to turn off those thoughts as they come into your brain. We have a redundant dialogue in our brains of self-loathing and judgement. Sometimes we may even call ourselves names like stupid. If you get into a car accident, when you are having a bad day, make a wrong word choice in a meeting, or burning dinner, any word will serve with which to beat yourself up. I urge you to listen to your inner voice.
I believe that the voice within us is what guides us toward transformation. If we are listening to a voice telling us our shortcomings and making fun of us for it, how can we hope to get better at anything? This also reflects in any pain we may be having physically or emotionally. What is your inner dialogue with this pain and what is the outcome of that relationship?
I tend to have really high expectations for myself, and if I do not reach them, I often remind myself of my expectations. Not accomplishing my goals does not mean that I should scold myself for performing poorly! It does mean that I am human, I make mistakes and I can try again. I think this is a lesson all of us can learn. We are our own biggest inhibitors in this world and authenticity is key. Try not to let emotional thoughts delude you from being truly honest with yourself. Practice abstaining from saying negative comments about yourself to yourself or others. Consider if you would not want to say those words to someone else or about someone else, and practice changing your inner tone of voice to a more understanding, accepting mentor that will be key in helping you achieve better results next time. Be an example of loving yourself.
This requires you to take some distance from yourself to be able to see the inner dialogue, identify the negative thought patterns, choose to change the dialogue and then increase frequency to see results. Often clients who master this process see an end to the sabotage in themselves whether it is in weigh loss or in life. I know this is easier said than done, but we live in a world where it is hard to be kind to ourselves. It seems our motivation to improve is generated from self-hate rather than self love. Your path to transformation truly starts with a more understanding inner voice that will motivate, not prohibit!
What are your “in-process” goals that need a little self-motivation? Put a picture on Instagram and tag @Heleneskitchen and #projectinnervoice to share your story!